At the moment I am one of two extremes, when people say you shouldn't judge a book by a cover you really shouldn't. I've learnt this the hard way, if I was to go out and see people I wouldn't dream of going out without at least some make up on to make me look fairly human. However if you find me at home or you are a family member/very,very close friend then you'd find me looking more like the left side of the photo.
Over the years I've learnt how to put on a brave face and pretend I am fine, I don't like people seeing me vulnerabilities. But my mask is starting to crumble and I find it harder and harder to keep up the pretence that I'm ok.
I'm usually quite blue lipped and pale faced, all an affect of my liver and lung troubles, and yes I am basically permanently attached to oxygen.
I think people have started to notice the cracks of the mask of bravery I choose to put on, it is undoubtedly harder to keep acting like you are fine when you are in absolute agony and in so much pain you can only cry.
I hope my wait for my transplant will soon be over and I can start recovering and becoming a stronger person once again. Because it's not in my nature to take a back seat and just accept I can't do the very simple things that I used to be able to do.
xxxx
V
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