Onwards and Upwards

I've had a crazy month, I had come back off my cruise and I think after all the recent changes in my life I was feeling rather overwhelmed and I sunk into a spot of depression. I didn't want to get out of bed and I would cry all day-when I wasn't sleeping that is. I eventually pulled myself together and decided I needed to start sorting myself out. I am currently still trying to find someone to talk to because I think the only way to get your sort your issues is by talking to someone.

I then started gradually building myself up to getting out and doing things again, first just with the family and then I was starting to meet up with friends. I met up with a friend recently and went to this cute coffee shop and had a gorgeous hot chocolate and a toasty brie and bacon panini. Yum! I could eat one of those right now.

The big challenge of the month was going out to a 21st birthday party, he was a friend's brother but also a member of our young farmers. I hadn't seen any of my young farmer friends in ages so I was naturally feeling really nervous and I was also worried about being cold. When I'm cold I get really anxious and panicky and I really didn't want to ruin my evening.
The day of the party I was hopping from going to not going every five seconds but in the end I just decided to buck up and go, I had my car so I could leave whenever I pleased and that helped reassure me a little. Of course I ended up really enjoying myself and I danced the night away with my friends and then spent the majority of the next day gossiping with my bestie and just feeling very sleepy.

I was very proud of myself for going in the end and was so glad I did go.

Lush Blackberry Bath Bomb Review

Blackberry Bath Bomb-Lush-£3.25

So this was one of the very first first bath bombs I properly tried from Lush, I went for it because it was meant to be good for anxiety and that immediately made me want to give it a go.
In fact I went straight home and used it that very night it's a very simple purple, bluey bath bomb but when thrown into the bath it explodes and turns the bath a lovely vibrant purple!

Now my sense of smell isn't that great so I wouldn't be able to smell it and then tell you exactly what was in it but from what Lush website tells me I can see that it contains frankincense and bergamot oils. These oils are used for anxiety, depression, tension and is supposed to relax and uplift you whilst you enjoy the bath. It also helps you calm down your breathing which is great for a gal with only one properly functioning lung aka me. Sometimes I forget to concentrate on breathing calmly and this just helps me relax and breathe a little better, obviously it's not a miraculous cure for me but it helps.

No for someone with a poor sense of smell I can definitely get the aroma of this bath bomb and I immediately calm down and relax.
It's now a bath bomb I can't be without, I always have to have a back up and everytime I go into Lush it is the first thing I add to my basket!  I have also got my grandad hooked on it because he likes to have a nice chill out before bed, I mean who doesn't?

Any other good relaxing bath bombs I need to try? Let me know in the comments below.

 

At War With Myself

Sometimes when I feel anxious or panicky I feel like I'm fighting against myself. It's my heart against my head, I know that whatever I'm anxious about which can be lots of little things or a couple of big things, I know that it's not worth getting worked up over. I still do though and I can't seem to prevent myself from doing it.

When I feel like an anxiety 'attack' is about to come on I try so hard to reason with myself and calm myself down, but most of the time I lose the battle and panic anyway. There are a few things that can help maybe not prevent me panicking but to get me feeling a little clearer headed afterwards.

Talking. Talking to someone is a key element to calming myself down, first of all it helps you realise what is the core of what started the anxiety, sometimes you realise it's not as bad as you once thought. Also a problem shared is a problem halved, having someone listen is useful when they can help you to see through a problem and help sort out the best way to solve it.
So make sure you have someone to talk to, a family member, a friend or someone going through similar things as you even a doctor can help.

Lists. I love writing things down in lists, I struggle to remember things I need to do as well as have lots of anxious thoughts in my mind so anything I can list I will list. I have hundreds of lists in my notebook, some of the simplest to do lists and then more full on blog post lists. It just really helps keep my thoughts organised and I can see them planned out clearly.

Finally is it is important to take some time for yourself, whether that's a bath with maybe a Lush bath bomb, reading a book, listening to music or just a lie down/nap. I have to do one of these at least once a day, just to get away from the computer and my phone to wind down and gather myself.

So those are my tips. What are your tips for calming yourself down?

Moving On and Up

I feel like I am finally getting somewhere and I'm taking everything day by day, tackling things one problem at a time.

This week I feel I have made a few breakthroughs regarding my anxiety and depression, I have a lot of anxiety about the future and what it holds for me. I think it's only natural for me to worry seen as though I struggle with day to day life and I worry about what I will end up studying and how I will find a job to suit me. I get anxious about loads of other things which I'm sure you'll find out with time, but when it all piles up it gets on top of me and I start feeling down and upset.

My parents are so understanding and I'm very lucky to have such great support from them, but both work long hours and aren't at home very often and I got into the routine of being very down and lonely when left alone. I would just lie in bed all day or I'd be on my laptop and if I wasn't doing that then I was fast asleep just letting days pass by. I started feeling lazy but I felt stuck and I couldn't snap out of the routine I'd gotten into. I'd get angry with myself for not doing anything, I was basically stuck in a vicious circle.

After staying in Chester with my grandparents for a brief period I knew I didn't want to go back to being like that and have decided to stay with them during the week and most weekends. I like waking up and not feeling like I have nothing to do, we go out most days, and that alone gives me the motivation to get up and dressed and do my make-up. I finally feel like I am being productive and that my days aren't just going to waste.

I also finally had the courage to start my blog and keep at it, I'd been considering it for a while but I lacked the motivation. I have been working so hard to try and make it as professional as possible. So, if you have any feedback for me or any advice then please comment below.

Just got to keep smiling

This Is Me

How do I begin...

How are you supposed to begin?

There aren't any rules about how to do this so it's just me doing it my way.

I'm not writing to anybody, there isn't anybody following me and I'm not aware of anybody reading this, I'm writing this for me, because I want to. It'll take my mind off things when things aren't as good. I love blogs, I love vlogs! I watch and read them daily, then it finally occurred to me that I could try it too.

So hi.

I'm Verity, I'm 20, I just turned 20 and struggling to cope with the fact I'm still pretty clueless what to do with my life.

A basic history of me is that I'm in and out of hospital all the time, I was born with an unnamed illness which affects my immune system. Which in turn affects other things. But, I manage.

I have lived in Belgium for 5 years, so I speak fluent Dutch and when I came back to the UK I did my A-Level whilst I was in year 10. I got an A*. Other than that though I haven't been the luckiest with my education. I struggled through my GCSEs getting good results but I was very stressed and looking back I wasn't all that well.
It all went down hill from there, I started college and pretty soon after I was taken into hospital with low oxygen levels. I soon fell behind with my work and became too breathless and exhausted to keep up with my friends.
I tried a part time accounting course the following year and even the one day a week was too much.


So what about me now?

Well, I live in the countryside with my mum, dad and brother. I'm a young farmer, which basically means I KNOW how to party! I don't go much though because I just can't keep up but I won't let people see me being weak. I was working at the National Trust but I want to move on and do an at home university course. Having not studied for so long I actually miss it!
I want to blog about my experiences of living in the country. I also have a MASSIVE love for make up! Every penny I save is towards make-up, so cheers to living at home forever!
Hopefully along the way you will get to know me a little better.